This yr we are able to be issuing 帶狗去杜拜 certificates to each faculty infant who can hold a pencil and get off the bed in time to attend the examination, attesting that they’ve “surpassed the whole lot with an A,” which saves on the administrative fees of things which include marking checks and coaching and proves that we had been a hit in issuing certificate.
It also eliminates from children the unfair strain of getting to reap some thing and units them up well for a life of slavery, drudgery, penury, soldiery and other profitable careers. The machine is also proving a hit in preserving younger minds out of the dissident clutches of the peddlers of “facts” and “statistics,” which includes Sensibal Dietts, by using disposing of from them the capability to examine both Sensibal Dietts’ courses or the works of different malcontents consisting of the warning labels on the goods of the Pharmacopeia or the products of Poisonus Additivs and other meals producers.
I come now to the vexing depend of the barbarian hordes urgent upon our borders or touchdown on our seashores through lifeless of night in small boats. Euphemistically referred to as “Itinerant Workers” or “Immigrants” or “Refugees,” those hordes from Eastern Europe then proceed to ravage the land by means of stealing our jobs, consuming our pets and raiding the Treasury and making off with large piles of cash (“blessings”). We already have sufficient hassle with indigenous tribes including the Vandals, Yobs and Hoodies traumatic the peaceful order of the province (and with the aid of “peaceful order” I imply of course “mayhem”) and so we are taking steps to embody those desperate human beings and find them a valuable place in the financial system. As I talked about in advance, any top notch civilization desires slaves and while we had been working tough via our conventional economic mismanagement to home-develop our own, there despite the fact that remains a scarcity and those new arrivals need to cover the fast-fall nicely.
This might also suggest some of you could should sacrifice yourselves to the greater correct with the aid of taking early retirement at fifteen or sixteen on account of the truth that folks who demand wages can be changed via folks that don’t, but we are taking steps to make certain that people with five or six decades of time on their palms don’t get bored.
Thus we are stepping up military recruitment in training for the graduation of any other battle, whose manufacture and inception traditionally falls upon each new government. For people who do not need to get shot at for a living or are uncomfortable with the concept of killing people with whom they don’t have any quarrel, rest confident we can preserve you entertained: the BBC (Britannia Broadcastus Crappus) is making ready new series of classics inclusive of Neighbus, Eastendus and Up Yer Forum to hold you amused, or as a minimum past worrying.
And if that doesn’t pretty hit the spot, take into account the products of the Pharmacopeia are as ever at your disposal if you still want to stupid the rims a piece. Remember too that the DSM is also at your disposal, with the Hoaxacopeia’s new mail-order system making insanity even less difficult. Simply browse the DSM within the comfort of your very own hovel, select any sickness that appeals to you and a cure will arrive with the aid of return of publish. If you have got problem deciding – and let’s accept it one is rather spoiled for desire – your local priest of the temple of Dementia will only be too satisfied do away with from you the problem of you decide by way of picking a mind disorder for you.
And in last, a final phrase from me earlier than I return to political views: given all this proper information and the Promised Land that is, as ever, just across the corner, it may come as a wonder to lots of you – besides perhaps the adherents of rebellion factions such as the Majoritus Silens and Votem Apathia or followers of Conspiricus Theorus – that the Emperor may be displeased approximately whatever.
Well, the phrase from the seat of Imperial power (which should continue to be hidden for security motives) is that Caesar Nefarius Vexus is none too happy with the rumblings of discontent that emanate from those lands.
Despite everything that has been completed for you: the medicine, accelerated amusement time, mental hygiene and…..Er, drugs, you are nonetheless no longer happy. And if you aren’t glad the Emperor is not happy – unless you refrain from voicing your misery.
Well, possibly you may take some time by smiling now and again.
And if you could additionally refrain from throwing dung at my chariot each time I drive thru the Forum on my way to the Senate, that might be liked too.